March 01, 2004
whatever it takes
it's no secret--i like girls with crooked teeth. i noticed the pattern only recently. in fourth grade, i went with cindy rush for two days. the third day left me heartbroken enough to punch robert felts in the lower back for no good reason. but i got over the breakup quickly, the 1984 academic year grinding to a close. i had 5th grade to look forward to. i had wendy rush to look forward to. wendy rush. the twin-side that made me chew my fruit roll-ups into oblong heart shapes.
the first note i sent wendy: "will you go with me? yes ( ) no ( )." she didn't like my 5th-grade either-or fallacy. she synthesized and made her own: "no way, jose (X)." i was a quick learner. the next note: "will you go with me? yes ( ) sure ( ). no new boxes." i got the note back, unchecked. adopting the no news is good news approach, i sent it back, telling her that i was glad that we were going together. she didn't speak to me for two weeks. silent and sexy.
the day before 5th grade, before my episode in persistent note-ing, i flipped over the handlebars of my bike and introduced my face to the sidewalk. i showed up late the first day. with mustard medicine on my chin and hands. with new front teeth. i like to think that fifth grade girls wouldn't be jaded enough to reject boys based on dentistry, but after 20 years of ruminating, it's all i can come up with.
it hurt. a rushed incisor straight to the heart. this is why, i think, i have a thing for girls with crooked teeth. rejection turned sympathy. whatever it takes. i notice crooked teeth and see a silver lining.
Same grade, same year - Benjamin Glenn the cutest boy in elementary school broke up with me. Girls two grades higher than me were after this little guy - quick wit and dimples to kill. He sent me a note much like yours and I accepted. I should have remembered that he told me he loved my hair cause that was the hitch. I had hair all the way down my back and when I chopped it off the love turned bad. He traded me in for a long-haired, newly permed Amanda at the skating rink.
Posted by: Gypsy at March 1, 2004 06:57 PMthe "silent and sexy" line made me laugh out loud. perfect.
if it's any consolation, my boyfriend in the fifth grade dumped me after just one tenative kiss under the rim of his Dukes of Hazzard-like cowboy hat. what really stung was that the girl he dumped me for was a dwarf.
you may think i am speaking in hyperbole - but I assure you - it is the literal truth
it was not a good day. not a good day at all.
Posted by: amy at March 1, 2004 07:34 PMThe shirt is perfect too. Whatever it takes, buddy. Whatever it takes.
In third grade I tried the indirect approach to getting the cute girl (at FACS, mind you). After trying and failing to get the twin sister Shannon to go with me, I wrote in red magic marker with flame-like embellishments "Angela is hot!" hoping she's notice. It eventually worked for about two weeks, but I never got the nerve to pop the question for myself until two years later under the black lights at East End Skating Center.
Posted by: Matthew at March 1, 2004 08:09 PM