junkmail for blankets

notes toward an essay on anatomical theology

(notes of interest; hoping to turn this into a long essay at some point)

Immanuel Kant once wrote that “[t]he man who stands in dependence on another is no longer a man at all, he has lost his standing, he is nothing but the possession of another man,” which I take to mean, basely, and among a host of things, that if there is such a thing as morality, it must be freely committed to, that to give up autonomy would be to give up all morality, which I take, then, to mean that Kant probably never stood beneath a night sky and extended his arms to the stars, which would have been holding their breath if they were waiting for Kant to give God the thumbs-up and say, “God, you intoxicate me” or to extend his thumb in the way of a hitch-hiker, waiting for God to pick him up and transport him to sensate ecstacy. Given a shot in the garden, I imagine Kant would, like Adam, have chosen the route of moral autonomy. Which is why, had I possessed powers of legislation in Kant’s Prussia, I would not have outlawed the taking of snuff, one of Kant’s cherished engagements.

Fortunately, for Kant, he didn’t live under Pope Urban XIII, who decreed excommunication for anyone found taking snuff in church, or Tsar Michael I, who order the noses of snuff takers lopped.

Today, you can find in London a bowl of nasal snuff available in Parliament. “Nasal,” to differentiate from “oral.” Oral snuff is a wad of moistened tobacco placed between the cheek and gum and favored by southern Americans. Nasal snuff is a finely ground, powdery tobacco favored by elderly women, Europeans, and diner waitresses who have difficulty washing the smell of smoke from their hair. Snuffed tobacco, in contrast to smoked, impinges on no one’s rights.

You will not mistake Grandma Rose enjoying a bit of snuff for Grandma Rose enjoying a line of cocaine. Snuff is not snorted; it’s snuffed, so as not to intrude beyond the nasal cavity, which it moistens, stimulates, and aromatizes, providing snuff takers the pleasant effects of cigarettes without the health risks.

First-time snuff-takers will likely begin with a pinch no larger than .1 gram. Over time, they will likely increase the dose anywhere up to .5 gram. That said, it is generally accepted that, like self-deception or orgasm, a smaller portion generally will not discount the pleasure.

Before instructing you on how to enjoy a bit of snuff, let me play the surgeon general and issue a warning found in the July 2, 1828 issue of the Native American newspaper The Cherokee Phoenix, which reported that an Englishwoman took a greedy pinch, sneezed her neck to a fatal bend, and died, the autopsy revealing “four and one-half pounds of snuff in the place where her brains should be.” Perhaps, like Kant, you find that such an attempt at legislative morality stinks to heaven. So far as I know, there are no contemporary judicial restrictions against taking snuff, so you are free to freely choose.

Now, then, should you take a pinch, here is where you would put it for the snuffing. Look at your hand. You will find, proximal to the thumb, the extensor pollicis longus and the extensor pollicis brevis, neighbored by the abductor pollicis longus, akin to the radial artery and scaphoid bone, all of which make a triune indentation more humanely known as the anatomical snuffbox. Should you find such directions more difficult to understand than untranslated Kant, do the following. Extend your arm in front of you and raise your thumb in the manner of a hitchhiker or movie producer crudely scouting a location or an old lady on her deathbed giving God the thumbs-up. The indentation you see at the base of your thumb is the anatomical snuffbox. Place your pleasure here. Inhale.